The ring-around-the-collar manifesto...(in progress)

So I've been inspired lately to charge the gates of corporate hell with a water pistol. I've become disgusted with platitudes, corporate snake-speak, and crap spewed by people who should know better, all in the name of doing 'business'. So this list will grow as I craft my own witty sayings, or just frankly steal them from somewhere else...

1) I'm not in the entertainment industry. My job never has been nor ever will be to keep a customer 'happy'. Keeping the customer 'happy' usually means not telling them the whole truth, or trying to mitigate risk until it spirals out of control and you have no choice but to tell them they're in deep doo-doo. Though the output of my work and that of my team, and by doing the job we were hired to do, we will achieve success and the customer will be happy because of it. This one was my own. :-)

2) Your people come first, never the customer. This one contradicts the missives handed down by my current employer. I've sold my soul to the company before. Became a raging workaholic, cut off family time, all for the sake of the customer or company. I've found that by investing time in people I love and actually WANT to be around (my family, people on my team and so on) and through building these relationships, you will have a much stronger ally when more than 'good enough' is expected for an undetermined amount of time. For example, I have direct reports in Cananda, the US and India. It's by far the best team I've ever worked with. One of these guys lives in Kansas City. I regularly play poker with him and take off the 'boss hat' when doing so. It's allowed me to build a friendly relationship with him, outside of work, that shows him I'm human and that I care about him as a person. This one is not new, but is not widely adopted...but should be. Just remember...that project can't keep you warm at night!

3) The chain of command is for the military, not business. At no point in time should any employee of any company feel intimidated or that it is inappropriate to go above his boss's head or even straight up to the CEO, in the spirit of getting things done. If you've been leap-frogged by a subordinate and were uncomfortable with it, then you've either something to hide or you've not gotten done what you said you would get done. If you're an executive and you don't let 'the little people' just drop in your office when they've something on their mind or when they really need to get something taken care of, then you're failing as a leader. If you don't have time for a 5 minute conversation then I don't have time to work late so you can make 10x more than I do! Leader and Executive are NOT synonyms. -- This one is mine...but could've come from my subconcious....who read it somewhere.

4) If you don't know, SAY SO!!! I am far more disappointed by being told a half truth or someone speaking out of turn, or out of their arse than by someone who was honest and simply said "I don't know, but I'll try to find out." -- That's just common sense. I can't claim credit for it.
5) Feel free to screw up! How many times have you been told "This has to be purrrrrfect!" or "We can't afford any problems" or "There is no room for error!!" Conversely, most of the time in fact, the same people who tell you "it's ok to make mistakes, just learn from them" are the same people who scream the loudest when the first thing goes wrong. There's freedom in knowing that the world is not going to melt to its core, gravity will fail, and all life as we know it will cease to exist simply because you made a mistake. Working from a place where you are EMPOWERED and ENCOURAGED to make mistakes to find the right way of doing something is incredible. My boss allows me to screw up and I'm trying hard to get there for my team. -- This one comes from the Cow book. You really, really need to read this book!!

6) Never follow your passion, but by all means, bring it with you. -- Mike Rowe (Yes, the host of Dirty Jobs). Mike had a FANTASTIC article in Fast Company magazine in Feb 2008. If you have it, read it! If not, come by my house and you can read mine! (Thanks boss, for the magazine!). Let's face it. No one likes a zealot. They make you uncomfortable, even if they're on the same side of the issue as you are. They tend to be embarrassing, make far reaching statements and generalizations, and become the defacto mouthpiece for your position on a topic...pretty soon they're martyred by their own people just to get them to shut up! :D I've been that guy, and am trying to NOT be that guy when it comes to my job. I love my job and I love what I do, but I realize not everyone is as passionate about Software Quality Assurance as I am. (Those people who aren't must not have ever used a computer or they WOULD BE!!) Ahem.....Sorry.

7) It's not about YOU! -- See Number 6. When you violate number 6 above, you begin to wear your title on your sleeve. Who cares if you have 20 years experience, who cares if you're an 'expert', who cares if you're the smartest person on the planet, who cares if no one else can do what you do...YOU can't do it ALL or there wouldn't be a team! Everyone can be replaced. Work like you and the person to your left and right are about to be...you'll find a new understanding of team work when you can start seeing past the end of your nose.

8) Tackle the problem, not your co-worker. (a.k.a. --> We all shoot in the same direction.) -- This one is mine. When you work with really talented people, and people who are passionate about what they do (see number 6 again!!) it's VERY difficult sometimes to give each other grace for their position on a hot-button issue. The flip side of this, is that it is VERY easy to allow your positioning on the other side of the table manifest into bitterness and resentment toward your colleague. Be gracious. Give your co-worker enough rope to hang themselves, but remember to cut that same rope if the floor of the gallows is about to open! Remember...the problem at hand will go away, but odd's are, you'll still be rubbing elbows with that same co-worker after it has.

9) Bring up the problem, even if you don't have a solution. (Mine.) The title on this one will be reworked in the future to be catchy, but mostly shorter. All too often I've heard people, specifically in high-pressure management positions say "don't come to me with a problem, unless you have a solution." There are MANY times in my career when I've encountered a problem, thought about possible solutions, but none of them seemed to fit. And yes, there are ALWAYS times when you bring up a problem that the same high-pressure management type won't have an answer for either! (gasp! I know...shocking!) The act of bringing up the problem, exposes the risk and gets the mental juices flowing, even if your's are dry as the Sahara.

10) NOTHING is ever easy. Period. I came to this realization very early in my career. It sounds obvious and something you would expect everyone to know and understand, however, you'd be surprised. If you think something will be a piece of cake or a walk through the park...PUT DOWN THE FORK AND STAY AT HOME!! I've adopted the attitude that if something 'seems' easy, then I've either missed the mark when it comes to understanding the task. Back up, re-focus, and examine! No doubt you'll uncover something that you missed before.

Stay tuned on this one...it's not done yet!